"Time does not heal, it just helps you learn how to deal"

Death.

what a strong but simple word.

Writing this out is starting to become part of my healing/greiving process.
so here goes;

Everyday, I wake up, get ready , and put my jewelry on.
What does this jewelry cosist of, one might ask.
It consists of my Class of 2010 ring, my silly band bobcat from krista, and my TRK bracelet.

Ever since Trenton went into the hospital, I have thought about him everyday. Yes, that means Trenton has crossed my mind and here lately STAYED on my mind for almost two months straight. WHY?
This is always the question that can never be answered.
Honestly, Trenton and I weren't best of friends. Not yet at least.
We had started communicating more and gotten a little closer, but we weren't best friends which leaves me wondering why he stays on my mind.
My conclusion:
He effected me in a way deeper way than I could ever imagine.

I chose the title of this blog simply because it speaks truth.
It has almost been two months, and the pain is still as strong as it was the day he left us. That shows that time does not heal.

BUT within those two months, I have found ways to help me process through. That is the second part of the title.

If anyone is in this position heres how i deal, if you arent in this position, listen up anyways because you never know when you will be.

My dealing with greif-
1) Visit the gravesite.
2) Talk to them. They are there. Sometimes you can even feel them.
3) Carry out any plans the two of you had made in their honor.
4) CRY. Whenever you feel it coming, dont hold back. Let it out. It's okay to cry.
5) Do things your way, but also do them the way you think they would want you to.
6) Have something to remind you of them for comfort. (ie: the bracelet i wear)
7) Remeber the good times yall had together. Cherish them.

The memories you have with someone that has left are now treasures in the mind for a lifetime.

Honestly, I'm more than ready to be with Trenton. I look forward to leaving life here on earth and experiencing so many greater things in heaven.
I'm not saying that I'm suicidal because that is the most selfish thing anyone could ever think about doing. I'm just saying, When it comes my time (which is hopefully soon) I'm ready to go.

One bad part that brings me down is wonder.
I wonder what we would have done this summer.
I wonder how much more closer we would've gotten.
I wonder how his senior year would've gone.
I wonder where he would've chosen to go to college.
I wonder if he had ever talked about me to someone, just mentioning me or anything.
I wonder if our friendship would've ever been more than a friendship.
I wonder how he would be spending his summer.
I wonder if he wouldve partied with us any this summer.
I just wonder. and it feels like all this wonder and worry is eating me from the inside-out.

Everytime something reminds me that he is not here, the tears start building up. If Im alone, I let them pour. If Im not, I save them and let them pour when I am alone.

Grieving is a process..
a never ending proces.