I'm afraid I won't get out alive...

So I just watched a movie and the last scene was the emotional goodbye of a college move-in. As I watched it, I remembered the day I moved in. It was quite emotional and I would give anything to have it all back. The bullshit was at an all time high and I got distracted and lost focus on why I was at Texas State. I was focusing on meeting a guy and being happy, and I thought I had. Then the day before I was going to meet him, he told me that he kissed another guy and it tore me in half. On top of the guy drama, I got a new roommate. He was alright at first but then he started becoming creepy and annoying. He was gay also and always had his boyfriend over. When they were on a break he would expect me to “help him out” I guess, but I never did. I started realizing what kind of person he was, then I met this guy who just by being around him made me happy. The first night I stayed with him, we were talking and realized that he knew my roommate.After talking with him, I fully was aware of what kind of shitty person my roommate truly was. We immediately started coming up with a plan to torture him that way he did my new friend. This became part of what I put my attention to. I started falling for this new guy real fast and things led to him in my bed doing more than sleeping. He was great and I thought we were in the process of blooming an amazing relationship. I came home one weekend and got a call one night from my new friend. He felt bad for what we did because he was hung up on another guy and felt like he was settling for me. He didn’t want to lead me on. I got sick. Literally. I threw up. I didn’t eat for 3 days and if I did it was something small like popcorn or ramen. We became great friends though. We still talk and are cool with each other. Another distraction was being vice president of hall council. It was quite stressful because it took up a lot more time than we all thought it would. We all started feeling like it was a waste of time and soon that’s what it became because none of us wanted to be there. Well things started looking up and the first guy I talked about (the one that tore my heart out and stomped on it) came back into the picture. We finally met and had a one night stand. I felt things when we were together but they soon faded because he changed and I didnt feel the love there anymore so I broke it off after only a week. On top of all my problems, my mom was having a rough time at home. I felt like she needed me because she was never happy and things were going bad with her boyfriend. With everything building up, school became my last priority. Big mistake. My grades dropped and after that I felt like saying Fuck it. There wasn’t any turning back because it was so late in the semester. Two weeks before the semester was over, I dropped out. I was fine with it at first but I regret it a lot lately. Yes, doing that brought me back home to my family but I’m not happy anymore. If I could rewind and do it all again, I definitely would. And I would change some things while I was at it. I feel like a failure. I have a plan but I feel like I’ve let people down, including myself. I hope things go the way I plan and I’m happy with what I’ve chosen to do. But my gut is telling me that I made the biggest mistake and I’m going to regret it. It’s funny, the world is a lot heavier than I thought it would be. And it jumped on my shoulders way too fast after graduation. I just want to feel the happiness I felt the day I moved in. Like someone was proud of me and what I am becoming. I thought I was happy. Funny how something as small as a clip in a movie can make you look at your life and think, what the Fuck happened.