I'm afraid I won't get out alive...

So I just watched a movie and the last scene was the emotional goodbye of a college move-in. As I watched it, I remembered the day I moved in. It was quite emotional and I would give anything to have it all back. The bullshit was at an all time high and I got distracted and lost focus on why I was at Texas State. I was focusing on meeting a guy and being happy, and I thought I had. Then the day before I was going to meet him, he told me that he kissed another guy and it tore me in half. On top of the guy drama, I got a new roommate. He was alright at first but then he started becoming creepy and annoying. He was gay also and always had his boyfriend over. When they were on a break he would expect me to “help him out” I guess, but I never did. I started realizing what kind of person he was, then I met this guy who just by being around him made me happy. The first night I stayed with him, we were talking and realized that he knew my roommate.After talking with him, I fully was aware of what kind of shitty person my roommate truly was. We immediately started coming up with a plan to torture him that way he did my new friend. This became part of what I put my attention to. I started falling for this new guy real fast and things led to him in my bed doing more than sleeping. He was great and I thought we were in the process of blooming an amazing relationship. I came home one weekend and got a call one night from my new friend. He felt bad for what we did because he was hung up on another guy and felt like he was settling for me. He didn’t want to lead me on. I got sick. Literally. I threw up. I didn’t eat for 3 days and if I did it was something small like popcorn or ramen. We became great friends though. We still talk and are cool with each other. Another distraction was being vice president of hall council. It was quite stressful because it took up a lot more time than we all thought it would. We all started feeling like it was a waste of time and soon that’s what it became because none of us wanted to be there. Well things started looking up and the first guy I talked about (the one that tore my heart out and stomped on it) came back into the picture. We finally met and had a one night stand. I felt things when we were together but they soon faded because he changed and I didnt feel the love there anymore so I broke it off after only a week. On top of all my problems, my mom was having a rough time at home. I felt like she needed me because she was never happy and things were going bad with her boyfriend. With everything building up, school became my last priority. Big mistake. My grades dropped and after that I felt like saying Fuck it. There wasn’t any turning back because it was so late in the semester. Two weeks before the semester was over, I dropped out. I was fine with it at first but I regret it a lot lately. Yes, doing that brought me back home to my family but I’m not happy anymore. If I could rewind and do it all again, I definitely would. And I would change some things while I was at it. I feel like a failure. I have a plan but I feel like I’ve let people down, including myself. I hope things go the way I plan and I’m happy with what I’ve chosen to do. But my gut is telling me that I made the biggest mistake and I’m going to regret it. It’s funny, the world is a lot heavier than I thought it would be. And it jumped on my shoulders way too fast after graduation. I just want to feel the happiness I felt the day I moved in. Like someone was proud of me and what I am becoming. I thought I was happy. Funny how something as small as a clip in a movie can make you look at your life and think, what the Fuck happened.

Baby there's a shark in the water :)

Hey hey hey :)
so the past few posts have been depressing, so this one is a happy one :)
I've been in a good mood lately. Some of you know the reason. :D


Anywayyysss... This is my last week at work :D
well technically, i have to work ONE day next week, but whatever :D. lol

Im pretty much more ready than anything to move to San Marcos.
It's gunna be amazing.

Im starting to go to church more often again. Infact, I just submitted a form to be a volunteer (be in the choir) on Sunday mornings at Shoreline.

Im pretty pumped about the praise jam session that me and brooke and mckenzie and possibly barry are going to tomorrow.

Things are starting to fall into place for college. I have yet to have a job waiting on me, but I'm not stressing over it. I think it will be good if I don't have one at least my first semester at least.. but we will see where God leads me.

Im nervous about the whole roommate thing. Even though we technically dont share a room, we just share a bathroom and living room. I know I most likely won't have a problem with him because I get along with 99.9% of all people... so hopefully he wont have a problem with me.

ummm... i think thats it for now... i have a phone call to make ;) lol
nite :D

"Time does not heal, it just helps you learn how to deal"

Death.

what a strong but simple word.

Writing this out is starting to become part of my healing/greiving process.
so here goes;

Everyday, I wake up, get ready , and put my jewelry on.
What does this jewelry cosist of, one might ask.
It consists of my Class of 2010 ring, my silly band bobcat from krista, and my TRK bracelet.

Ever since Trenton went into the hospital, I have thought about him everyday. Yes, that means Trenton has crossed my mind and here lately STAYED on my mind for almost two months straight. WHY?
This is always the question that can never be answered.
Honestly, Trenton and I weren't best of friends. Not yet at least.
We had started communicating more and gotten a little closer, but we weren't best friends which leaves me wondering why he stays on my mind.
My conclusion:
He effected me in a way deeper way than I could ever imagine.

I chose the title of this blog simply because it speaks truth.
It has almost been two months, and the pain is still as strong as it was the day he left us. That shows that time does not heal.

BUT within those two months, I have found ways to help me process through. That is the second part of the title.

If anyone is in this position heres how i deal, if you arent in this position, listen up anyways because you never know when you will be.

My dealing with greif-
1) Visit the gravesite.
2) Talk to them. They are there. Sometimes you can even feel them.
3) Carry out any plans the two of you had made in their honor.
4) CRY. Whenever you feel it coming, dont hold back. Let it out. It's okay to cry.
5) Do things your way, but also do them the way you think they would want you to.
6) Have something to remind you of them for comfort. (ie: the bracelet i wear)
7) Remeber the good times yall had together. Cherish them.

The memories you have with someone that has left are now treasures in the mind for a lifetime.

Honestly, I'm more than ready to be with Trenton. I look forward to leaving life here on earth and experiencing so many greater things in heaven.
I'm not saying that I'm suicidal because that is the most selfish thing anyone could ever think about doing. I'm just saying, When it comes my time (which is hopefully soon) I'm ready to go.

One bad part that brings me down is wonder.
I wonder what we would have done this summer.
I wonder how much more closer we would've gotten.
I wonder how his senior year would've gone.
I wonder where he would've chosen to go to college.
I wonder if he had ever talked about me to someone, just mentioning me or anything.
I wonder if our friendship would've ever been more than a friendship.
I wonder how he would be spending his summer.
I wonder if he wouldve partied with us any this summer.
I just wonder. and it feels like all this wonder and worry is eating me from the inside-out.

Everytime something reminds me that he is not here, the tears start building up. If Im alone, I let them pour. If Im not, I save them and let them pour when I am alone.

Grieving is a process..
a never ending proces.

"If only. Those must be the two most saddest words in the world."

So obviously, I graduated this past June.
Whoop! Class of 2010

So I lay here thinking, I only had one chance at everything- did I do it the way I should have/ wanted to.
Point blank, do I REGRET anything?....

hmmm, Regret..... what exactly does that mean?

re·gret [ri-gret]–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

okay, so do I feel sorrow or remorse for anything I did in high school?

The answer is yes.
That's right, YES.

I regret many things actually. I thought that I had lived by the number one most important rule and "enjoyed the little things" because I knew high school was coming to an end, but now looking back it seems like I didn't.

The number one regret I have is holding a grudge against this one person and hating everything she did. It even killed me a little inside when I realized that she was still breathing. Honestly, hating someone takea A LOT of energy and just thinking about how much I hated her wears me out right now. I regret never looking at the situation from the other side of the glass and realizing how stupid it was. I regret not having a better relationship with this person, because now, after we have graduated I DO realize that it was all stupid and just "high school drama."
So, I apologize. and I know she has to feel the same way, because all throughout our high school career, we were not friends on facebook and not even three weeks after graduation, I had a friend request from her. end of story. its in the past and we can't change it.

Another regret I have is not really being who I really am until my senior year. And to add to it, not really hanging out with my friends and actually going to parties with them until the SECOND semester of my senior year.

I'm sure the longer I lay here I could think of more and more.

I feel like I didn't really live pretty much the last month we were in school.
After Trenton passed away, I kinda just let everything go and threw it all in a corner; everything but what I needed day by day. Thank God I already had graduation invitations and all that bull honky out of the way!
I'm sure I have a whole full other blog about me coping with Trenton's death to come in the future, but for now this is it. It was the hardest three, three and a half weeks of my life.
Shit, it was the hardest week of my life when it actually happened.
Im absolutely, 100% positive that if my bestfriend, Hannah, were not with me at the funeral and through the whole ordeal, I would not have been able to make it.
So, back to regret. I regret not really enjoying myself and living the last month of my high school career, and I regret not getting to know Trenton better, sooner.

In general, I regret lots of things. Im not saying I regret EVERYTHING because there was a lot of good mixed in there, but there are some things that I surprisingly WILL miss. RISD pretty much pissed me off EVERYDAY for a good month before it ended too. and them not letting me speak about Corrine at graduation was totally ridiculous and I have had a lot of positive response to my letter to the editor. They are getting what they deserve now though. A LOT of really good teachers and coaches that did so much more than what their job description said have left the district and Im pretty proud about that.
welp, that its for now...gettin kinda late.
out for now :)

Corrine's Memorial Wreath at Commencement

TRENTON REED KEY

22 March 1992 - 20 May 2010

The past few days were so hard for me. I'm going to put everything down right here and probably shed a few tears while doing it, but here goes;


Monday:

Trenton Key: "...Made out with a hot dog?! Oh my god! That was one time!!"
Comments:
Thomas Merka: That's my favorite movie EVER!
Lisa Lee: i love mean girls lol
Trenton Key: it's my favorite movie of all time ♥
Nathan Starr: ..say crack again.. :)
Rosalia Orozco: CRACKKK
Trenton Key: lmfao! this is so great. i love quotes from that movie ♥
Nathan Starr: Rosalia, idk who you are, but you just gained major cool points in my book :)
Rosalia Orozco: Nathan, I sure am honored lol.
Nathan Starr: you should be....cool points arent easy to come by from me :) haha


Tuesday:

LUNCH TIME

Kristi: My dad just asked me if I knew a boy named Trenton. They said they had to do emergency surgery on him in Bryan.

Nathan: the only Trenton I know is Trenton Key. But he lives in Bryan, they wouldnt have rushed him to Bryan.

Kristi: oh, thats the only Trenton I know too.



AFTER SCHOOL

Nathan: Hey

Aja: Hey, that was Trenton Key that they were talkin about at lunch.

Nathan: Oh, how do you know?

Aja: Cuz I just had Melissa Macks in my last class and she was talkin about it and said she needed to go outside for some air.......they were pretty close huh?

Nathan: Yeah they were...hmm..thats crazy...

7:18 PM

Nathan *opens new message*
Hey. R u okay?
*Send to: Trenton*


REPLY
Trents in the hospital recovering. he went into surgery this morning. It went well. But he wont be able to have visitors for a couple of days


REPLY
ok. Let him know we r thinking about him down here.

REPLY

I will. Thank you.



10:25 PM

Post to Trenton's Wall on Facebook:

Nathan Starr: Trenton! Someone text me back from your phone and said you were doing okay... Hope you have a speedy recovery!!! You are in our prayers :)
Comments:
Lena Beaner: That would be me. Anyone who needs to know about him text me bc I have the updates
Nathan Starr: whats your number?
Lena Beaner: Just text his phone ill be having it until he's well enough to use it.
Nathan Starr: alrighty. thanks



Wednesday:

Nathan: *new message*
How's he doin today?
*send to Trenton*

REPLY

Trent is doing much better. He was talking but barely more like mumbaling. No one can really go see him for a while and he'll be there for the most weeks but may be days. He's breathing on his own now. He half smiled at his parents and brother. He sleeps a lot which means he's healing well. He's getting much better, thank you all for the prayers. keep praying for him to get better

REPLY
thanks for the update! :)

REPLY
np



10:53 PM

Post to Facebook

Nathan Starr: long day tomorrow...starting at 5:30..... yay?...


Thursday:

Mom has surgery and all goes well. back home around 2pm.

take a nap, eat dinner.

*Text Recieved*
Brooke : did Trenton pass away?

REPLY
not that I know of why!!??

Log-on to Facebook

4:30 PM

AjaBolivia: cannot believe that this happened, one day you're talking to someone and the next they're gone. RIP Trenton.

Nathan: wtf..?...what happened?

Aja: idk. he passed away today

Nathan: no, he couldnt have. who told you that??

Aja: Kristi and Trentons aunt/cousin

Nathan: WTF.... :'(

-in shock and crying-

*Post to Trentons Wall*
5:13 PM

Trenton,
I'm in shock and don't understand how something like this could happen to such an amazing person. You were funny and always happy and there to kick anyones ass that hurt any of your friends. You're in a better place, but I will never forget you. I love you man! :) RIP ♥


Post to Profile on Facebook
10:46 PM

Nathan Starr When I said today was going to be long, I never would've imagined this long! R.I.P. Trenton. Love ya buddy!

Friday:


Post to facebook profile:
10:45 AM

is ready for this day to be over. RIP Trenton.

-wake up, cry myself to sleep. wake up cry again. go to school for the trainers thing at the hospital at 2 PM-

-see Melissa and Whitney. Find out Arrangements. Go to work. come home. cry more.-


Saturday:

-Work, shopping for purple shirt and yellow tie for Trenton's funeral, home, family gathering, cry, make bracelets, cry, pack bag for Sunday-

Sunday:

-Church, eat with grandparents for lunch, get graduation robe, attend baccalaret service, pick-up Melissa,Skylar, Hannah, and Bella, head to Bryan, go to Trenton's visitation, Meet Luis, take Melissa to Wal-Mart, Get ready for Monday, go to sleep.-





Today (Monday) :
Wake-up and get ready, go to Central Baptist Church for funeral service.

Beautiful service centralized in purple and yellow, TRK's favorite colors.

for some reason I was pretty stable until the last preacher dismissed and the slideshow of photos started playing again. After I saw the first picture, I lost it. I cried as people walked past me to view the body one last time, I cried as Hannah held me tight and we walked past our pal one last time, I cried and cried and cried. I couldn't stand anymore. i found a chair and sat down and cried. I just let it pour out. It hurt so much knowing that all the plans we had made for this coming summer would not be totally carried out, because he wouldn't be there. It hurt so much to know that he's not there to talk to when times get tough or people are ridiculous. I got myself together, walked to the entrance and started looking at his life in pictures, and cried again.
I got in my car, started it up, and lost it again. I could not drive. Hannah took charge of the wheel. We went to McDonalds so I could get a drink to take my medicine. Everyone else ate, but i could barley get my sprite down. I had wrapped my emotions up a little and went ahead and drove home.

Hannah didnt want to go to the graveside service so I dropped her off and then we went to pick Rachel up and headed to Blackjack for the final service.
It was hot, but the wind was blowing and for a second, time stood still. we said our last goodbyes and I could see that Oscar was hurting so bad. I introduced myself and gave him a hug. After that we went to First Baptist Church to have some refreshments and to converse for a while. That was the end of it.


Facebook Post to Profile:

Nathan Starr: I have never cried as much as I did today. But now that you're at rest and I have a little bit of closure, the tears that are sure to come will be of happy memories and knowing that you are having the time of your life right now. love ya trenton!



Trenton, you are gone but not forotten. We love you so much and we are glad we were able to have you in our lives for the time that we did. Rest in Peace. We'll be seeing you soon buddy! Dance it up in heaven and watch over us. :)






This is one of the songs that was sang at his service. It's really pretty, but the guy that did it was better than this video.

EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES

WOW! I have not been on here in almost two months!

The rest of March went well. :)

April was pretty eventful! I had UIL and Prom

Pics will be posted later...or matter of fact, you can find them on my facebook which is linked at the top.

Its May!

This year has gone by SO fast. and even though i seem like a hard ass that is ready to get out of here, im actually pretty scared and want it to slow down now.

Graduation is going to be bittersweet. Im glad we are getting out of Rockdale, but at the same time, I am NOT ready to say goodbye to people I have seen five days every week for 13 years... ya know?

Anyways... There's been some good music released lately...

i just added 37 songs to my iTunes library. :D

Arlington will be more and more familiar to me in the coming weeks.. I spent last Thursday thru yesterday (Sunday) there.. My "sisters" nana is in Arlington Memorial so we were there...and we are probably going back this weekend..

tomorrow we have the athletic banquet... pretty ready to get that over with...

Financial Aid is kind of stressing me out.
I haven't received any yet.... FEAK OUT MODE!!!

anyways...just a quick update!

Nathan Out

Ketchup :)

SOOO. sorry I havent been on. this is what I've been up to. :)

Friday- slept til 11. ran some errands. went to school. and then work that night.

Saturday- I taught myself how to play Boston by Augustana on the piano.
I also learned the first part of:

Ill be there- Michael Jackson/ Jackson 5
It ends tonight- All American Rejects
one of Lady GaGa's songs...

then i laid around the house ALL day :)


Megan came to my house and we got ready for the night. :D



First we went to Morgan's Mom's birthday party.......




Then we went to Bobbi's and...had a little fun..(thats the least I can say)




so yeah...thats about it for Saturday. We spent the night at Bobbi's and woke up Sunday to a sunrise. then a dog. then bobbi's mom on the phone. lmao. yeah...didnt feel like getting up. haha

So SUNDAY megan and myself just chilled pretty much.

We went to our bestfriend Hannah's, house to play rock band 2 and help her pack.

shes gone to see her boyfriend. and I miss her dearly.

Monday mother and I went to College Station and watched Valentine's Day.
It was pretty amazing.
I knew some of what was going to happen thanks to Brookes blog. haha. but who Julia Roberts ended up with was a total twist!!
I definitely recomend the movie!




Thats pretty much all i did Monday. I wanted to go to the mall but didnt feel like it after we saw the movie. haha

Yesterday I had to work at Medicine Chest. It was actually pretty fun. BUT i do have to say that I was getting a bit crazy...lol...I have never had to work that long there before.haha. I am definitely use to my 2 hour shifts.haha..

Mom and I ate Subway...but ended up throwing like 1/2 of both of our sandwiches away because we were full. lol

I sat down and worked on my Research Paper...didnt get much done though.......
thats pretty much the ketchup of my life. Not much :) haha

ALL THE LOVE FOR SPRING BREAK!


Quote of yesterday: "You make me want to suck a God damn lemon!" - Mom lmao


Song of the week: Drop the World by Lil Wayne ft Eminem
VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.



yeah, thats about it :) Party tonight, work tomorrow then softball game :)

Havin a pretty darn good Spring Break :D

Out for now. :D

Nathan

The way you're blowin' up my phone won't make me leave no faster.....

THURSDAYYYYYY

today was the one day out of three months that i decided to dress up for school. :)

AS SEEN BELOW :




School was alright. I actually started on my research paper. I kinda liked doing it and almost worked on it once i got back to RHS, but of course, I didn't.haha

Yearbook was kinda fun because we worked on stuff for UIL. :)

♥ Headline Writing :)

I had to work at Medicine Chest today. It was fairly slow. I got to fax over refill requests for most of my time there.
Supper was great :D Mom made hamburger patties with mushroom sauce over them... and mashed potatoes. :D ALL THE LOVE FOR MASHED POTATOES ♥

haha

Then we went to my great grandmas to fix her medicine where I got to see JAC :)

He seriously can make the worst day the best in like .2 seconds :)

Here is my most current picture of him :)

Snowday in Texas :D



Since he lives like .01 miles from my great grandma, i let him drive home. :P
with my help of course....and then he would NOT let go of me. He kept waving bye to his mom and threw THE BIGGEST fit when she took him out of my lap.lol.

Im starting to work with videos and stuff so that maybe I can be like the one and only Great Bolivia.

Here is what I came up with tonight. It is a clip of our skit at NSLC from this past summer. We were trying to show how Water Purification in Kenya would be beneficiary.





Todays Video of the Day is also a cover, by the same people as last time actually.
These guys are FREAKING AMAZING! :) Especially for their age!

Cover of Lady GaGa's Just Dance

Wowzers :) lol





I guess that's it for tonight. Text me! :D
Welcome Spring Break 2010 ♥

Nathan

Why Can't We Be More Than Friends?

TODAY WAS okay. :)
lol


1/2 Day at school! which meant 45 minutes of college class and then lunch. lmfao

Lunch was FAB! :)

ate at pizza hut with le friends:

-Ally
-Annie
-Adre
-Hugo
-Hannah
-Kelsey
-Ivory
-Konieko

Random Mix of ppl. BUT it was great :)

Picked mom up at 1 from work because I had a doctors appt at 2:15

The Dr. looked at my leg and is referring me to a surgeon....hope its nothing too serious

The Dr. also gave me samples of another medication for my High Blood Pressure.

I havent been taking my med because it gives me a headache...but it was ridiculously HIGH. so yeah....lol... its 11:05 pm and I just took it on my machine.....

152/122 pulse 90 NO BUENO!

Quote of the day:

Ivory- "C'mon girl. Click yo heels and go home!" lmfao

all the love for watching The Wizard of Oz in Eco. :)




of course i would be the one to research on the one without a brain....was she tryin to say something? lol

Work was alright tonight. SUBWAY. ugh. interesting event occured. Marie of all people refused someone service. lol..he got loud with her through the speaker and she was NOT havin it.lmao

The Eclipse trailer came out today!! :)


thinkin about doing some of my research paper...but im kinda tired....

out for now:)

Nathan

Flippin Wal-Mart

Sooooo. today was kind of a blah day.

ACTUALLY, it was CRAP!

I have to be at school at 9:00 to catch the bus to TC...

TELL ME WHY i woke up to look at the clock that read, 8:55 am.....
NOT HAPPY


THEN i had to sit through that stupid ignorant class, which always puts me in a bad mood.
When we got back to school, it seemed to go by SO slow. I wanted to die.

and yesterday, I went to the bank to get 78 out of 100 and deposit the rest.... can someone please tell me why Nathan had to go back to that tellers window THREE times to finally get it straight?..... If someone has to go to your teller window that many times in a row, your life is FAIL and you need to go work at Dollar General. :)


Anyways. I got one of my scholarship essays out of the way :)

CROSS MY FINGERS!!! I HOPE I GET IT!

I had to work after school. Today at Medicine Chest. I love working there, but today was SO hectic and busy :(
Luckily, the family night thing that me and Aja were suppose to sell yearbooks at tonight was actually last night so we ended up not having to do it. haha

Mother and I went to China Buffet and ate :) It was quite pleasing. :)

I got to see JAC tonight. :D He always makes my day better:)

I had to go to WalMart to get some replacement blades for my razor, and of course our rinky dink P.O.S. wm didnt have the ones I needed so I had to buy a WHOLE NEW razor. EFF YOU WALMART!!
While I was there, I also realized how ugly the fish are that WM is trying to sell....They use to have pretty ones but now they have Orange, Black, or Silver.

STUPID MUCH!?

I'm realizing lately that my friends are pretty much my life. It would suck without them. :)

Shout out to:
-Babymama (Ivory)
-Bob (Bobbi)
-Gucci (Aja)
-Boogie (Hugo)
-Jfly (Jonathan)
-Ally (Alejandra)
-Ryyy (Ryan)
-Adre (Andreana)
-ONAE (Annie)
and I am for CERTAIN that there are tons more but these are the ones that I pulled off the top of my head. :)

Todays Video/Song of the day is:

How Low by Ludacris



I love the little chipmunk voice in it. haha



Quote of the day:

(beginning of class)
Dr. Dyer: Your research paper is due on March 30. but you can have 10 extra points if you turn it in by March 11.

Nathan: I should probably get started on that paper.

All of class time to be used on writing the paper passes by

(end of class)
Dr. Dyer: Don't forget your paper for extra points is due Thursday

Nathan: I should probably get started on that paper.

LMAO... oh procrastination, why dost thou haunt me? :D

FTW and everything else.

okay, so today was alright.

school went by kinda fast, which I'm not complaining about. lol

i had to work at subway tonight...which i was dreading but it wasn't that bad. I got to work with brittany and heather. :)

even though i had to do the dishes from about 6 to close (9:30)...RIDICULOUS!

the home life is shitty. I cant wait til i get the hell out of here. Im pretty sure if it wasnt for my grandma, cousins, and JAC, i would never return to Rockdale after graduation.

I have also realized how much I have changed within a year. Im sure most of it had to do with being a senior :)
I noticed how:
1)I use to be self conscious about what I wear and things i do...but NOW...i dont give a shit...comfort is key. lol
2)I use to care about school ... but now...i say Fuck that shit mothafucka. :)
3)Family use to be #1 in my life...but now... i say fuck that shit mothafucka to that too.I think i could count how many people i am going to miss on both of my hands...and i have a huge family. lol....
4)I use to not have many friends....but now.... RHS=BFF. lol. i get along with (almost) everyone soo well. and the teachers ADORE me. haha. but who couldnt ;) lol
like Mr. Reeves said Friday as he turned the corner and saw me in the hall, "and there he is, the pride and joy of Rockdale High."
lol
5) I use to be afraid of getting in trouble at work but now im like...wtf ..who cares..not me..
basically the most that has changed about me is that i dont give a shit. Now that could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing. but thats the way I am.


Im in a depressed state at the moment, so heres todays song which makes me smile..every once in a while at least, and kinda explains how i feel right now.....

Video/Song of the day: Breakeven by The Script



i did see a funny picture today and it made laugh so here it is..hopefully you will get a kick out of it too....


Goodnight All
:)

Who's Gunna Run This Town Tonight?...

hellurr :)

this weekend actually ended up being FABULOUS! :)
The softball game got rescheduled for Friday so I didnt have to work the concession stand :)

Saturday I went to work and then went to the Tejas Art & Book Festival after that. It was better than last year. I think the turnout was better too.. anyways.After that.... I did my laundry that seemed to be a month load stacked up. haha. Later on, myself, Hugo, Melissa, and another person went to a party and had an alright time. We didnt get home til like 2:30. :)





This morning I woke up and got ready for church. We made it to Taylor and then JAC got sick so we had to turn around and come back home. I spent most of the day asleep after that. I later went to Wal-Mart and bought an undershirt :)
Now I am posting this, playing tap tap revenge on my phone, and trying to stay awake. Im a bit hungry though...Ice Cream is calling my name ;) :D



Check this out! One of the best Covers of a song I have ever heard :)

Cover for Telephone by Lady GaGa ft Beyonce.



Thats all for now folks.
See ya tomorrow
:) Nathan

One Day You Will

Today went by A LOT faster than yesterday did.

Quotes of the Day:

Me: I'm just gunna stare at these poetry papers to make it look like I'm working.
Ivory: I'm not even gunna do that.
LMAO! :)

Me: I did something yesterday that reminded me of you.
Kirk: Did you organize your closet or color coordinate your clothes?

.... BAHAHAHA......

Jeremy: I want a bunny! his name is white booger.
John: I dont give a shit if his name was white bong hole. You're not getting it!
:) lol


This weekend is going to fly by, which I'm not happy about. BUT Next week we have half a day on Wednesday:) and then we have a whole week off starting saturday for Spring Break :)

Saturday I have to do concession stand for Project Graduation :(
and I also have to help at the Tejas Fesitval
any other time left is chill time with friends :)

Sunday I will hopefully have the strength to get out of bed and go to church.
and the rest of the day is chill time/ homework time...but we all know what usually happens with the homework.lmao

Next Wednesday I have an appointment to get the lump in my leg checked out. At first I wasn't really worried about it...but now I kinda am because everytime someone sees it they like shat all over there self. haha. and it hurts when you touch it...so I'm thinking its either a cyst or a blood clot...either way, it's prolly gunna have to be removed. :( ugh. lol

Somewhere in my weekend I need to find time to finish cleaning my room because at the moment it looks like my one year old nephew came in here and just took stuff off the shelves and threw it on the floor.....oh wait, he did. lol

but i had stuff there already anyways...so with him being so young, maybe he thought that is where it was suppose to be.aha

anyways. Im probably fixing to go to bed :) I is TIRED.

Later Cyber World :)
Nathan

Follow Me, Everything is Alright :)

Another day, another GAD DAMN DOLLA!!
------> WORN OUT!!!

so I thought I would spice things up a bit :)
I want to list the top 15 places I want to go/see before I die...
and a few more...lol
so here were go...
in no specific order:

1)Macchu Picchu, Peru




2)Grand Canyon, Arizona




3)Alaska: Skyline :)




4)Italy




5)Stonehenge, UK




6)New York




7)London




8)Hollywood, CA



9)Australia



10)Paris



11)Mt.Rushmore



12)Taj Mahal, India



13)Hawaii



14)Amsterdam



15)Washington,DC (REVISIT)
Yes, It was that great :)





If you would like to travel the world with me, feel free. I will enjoy the company :)



Video/Song of the day: G4L: Rihanna (Another for Ivory :) )





BESTFRIEND :)

"I don't know where I'd be, without you here with me, life with you makes perfect sense, you're MY best friend :) <3







Today was okay, I ended up having to work :[ i didnt get to tan :[

BUT there was GALORE of Mexicans that came into Subway tonight which made it pretty good because Mexicans are HOT :) lol

now I am stuck on deciding if I will do my three paragraphs for comp (due tomorrow), or if I am taking my happy ass to bed to watch the back of my eyelids...only time (approximately 30 minutes) will tell :D

Happy Hump Day :D

PS.... Just for you Ivory: Give it to me baby like BOOM BOOM BOOM! <3 :D

Oh, really?...

Today = Strangely okay :)

I love how only one person from Rockdale did their first three paragraphs for the research paper btw. :)

I was pretty pleased that most of us are on the same page and pretty much dont give a SHIT since we have been accepted to college.lol..which, obviously is bad, but oh well.

Dr.Dyer is one of the most random people I've ever met in my long 17 years of life.

Quote of the day from her is:

"People, BE QUIET! How many times do I have to tell you?... and don't say 79 because I'm NOT counting."

lmao. like, really Ms. Dyer....lol


School was boring of course. I find it pretty stupid that the State of Texas requires us to take certain classes. The classes I take this year are pretty much the biggest blow off EVER.
College Classes start at 9:30 and we are back in town and I sign into the library everyday at 11:17 am. ANYWAYS. After that I just have health online, lunch, yearbook, teacher's aide, and then Art 2. WOW.... what can I say??

For Ivory... :)
Today's Video/Song is : WAIT YOUR TURN by RIHANNA:



So obviously Chris Brown EFFED her up after their little incident. I mean, this "Rated R" albulm is simply AMAZING :)
RAUNCH = :)

I found myself surrounded by IDIOTS many times today. One occasion I can think of off the top of my head is when I was at work. Today I worked at the pharmacy. So this lady pulls up to the drive thru window and says " I need to pick up some medications for RUCHI GUCCI. (name is changed to protect the identities of the ignorant). So i bag the medications up and scan them to ring them up. I say, "Your total is $11".. Then this lady looks at me like I'm stupid and asked, "for what?".... I wish I couldve been watching my facial expression because I know it said "u r a dumb ass" all over it. haha. but I replied, "for your medication." This is a lot better than what I was thinking, which was, "for your mcdonalds meal stupid, where are you??" anyways, she finally realized which drive thru she was at i guess because she paid me. and that is all that matters :)

Then tonight, I realized that I should read the scratch off layer before I start scratching it. I scratched the line off to reveal my cousins code for her $50 iTunes card...without realizing the line said "scratch gently," i put that quarter to that card like it was a lottery ticket. and with my monster scratch, part of the code scratched off too... FML. lol... so I spent like TWO hours trying to figure out how to retrieve the code.... then I found a number to call which said it was open until 11:00 pm... but them mofo's told me they were already close...WTF. so, guess i know whats already on my list for tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I really hope I dont have to work at Subway. I forgot to go get my schedule because i was in the midst of trying to find that DAMN CODE! so I guess I will have to go up there in the morning :( Once again... I hate working there... Im already fed up with it again... but Im going to try to stick it out until prom at least, because the extra money will be nice :)

I also want to go shopping, so I need to save up. haha.

Anyways... thats about all the ranting I can do at the moment.
Stay tuned for more in the near future :)

Nathan :D

Objects of the Day

This is the most awesome and cutest receipt I have EVER received in my life. lol

<3 Norma Jean :)


Video/Song of the Day:


Quote/Chat of the day :)

Please vote for my picture. Its for a scholarship. :)

My Favorite Photo (I've Ever Taken) 2 Brickfish

so it's Sunday again

This weekend was pretty solemn.

Friday:

School; every Friday at school is grand because i dont have to get my ass out of bed until 11 :)

then..

Gay ass work. Just to throw this out there, I HATE working at Subway. The only reason I went back is because i need the extra money for prom, graduation, and to have a little bit to start off college with.

anyways....

Justin was suppose to close with me but he got "sick." Funny thing he wasn't sick until me and Ivory started telling him to work and do stuff... And we all know he was going in the bathroom to text someone and NOT to throw up.

ended up, Marie believed his ass and sent him home so I got to close with Ivory instead:)

She is basically the only reason I enjoy working there. The only people i like working with is Ivory and Heather, because they actually do shit and dont make me do everything.

so Friday is over.

Saturday:

For some strange reason, Donna Scruggs thought 6:15 was a normal time to be at school. Needless to say, Nathan and Aja were not on that bus to go to the practice UIL meet.

So Nathan and Aja slept in and left around 1 pm to head to College Station to the UIL meet.

This is the only reasonable time we could come up with. WHY would we sit ALL day full of boredom just to do our 45 min competition at 2:45...which we ended up not placing in anyways....

so AFTER we waited for the results of FAILURE, we came back home. :)

so I just chilled at home and layed in bed...until...

mom and john came home and sat their asses in the livin room makin all kinds of noise...which pissed me off...and set me into thug mode ridiculously fast.

so being on thug mode I felt like drinking..

I landed at a party but ended up not drinking,which was okay because it was fun to watch the drunken people do the stuff they did.haha

and it made me feel good being the designated driver :)

After I got my friends home safely, I went back home and luckily the rents were in bed already :D

therefore, Nathan took himself to bed also.

....sleep.....sleep....sleep... :)

Sunday:

Slept in :)

Had THE WORST NOSE BLEED EVER...which made me call into work.

went to my grandmas for her birthday party..... got to see the baby :)

and ate and had a good time...

and thats about it.

keep checkin back :D

(Y) Nathan :)