"If only. Those must be the two most saddest words in the world."

So obviously, I graduated this past June.
Whoop! Class of 2010

So I lay here thinking, I only had one chance at everything- did I do it the way I should have/ wanted to.
Point blank, do I REGRET anything?....

hmmm, Regret..... what exactly does that mean?

re·gret [ri-gret]–verb (used with object)
1. to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

okay, so do I feel sorrow or remorse for anything I did in high school?

The answer is yes.
That's right, YES.

I regret many things actually. I thought that I had lived by the number one most important rule and "enjoyed the little things" because I knew high school was coming to an end, but now looking back it seems like I didn't.

The number one regret I have is holding a grudge against this one person and hating everything she did. It even killed me a little inside when I realized that she was still breathing. Honestly, hating someone takea A LOT of energy and just thinking about how much I hated her wears me out right now. I regret never looking at the situation from the other side of the glass and realizing how stupid it was. I regret not having a better relationship with this person, because now, after we have graduated I DO realize that it was all stupid and just "high school drama."
So, I apologize. and I know she has to feel the same way, because all throughout our high school career, we were not friends on facebook and not even three weeks after graduation, I had a friend request from her. end of story. its in the past and we can't change it.

Another regret I have is not really being who I really am until my senior year. And to add to it, not really hanging out with my friends and actually going to parties with them until the SECOND semester of my senior year.

I'm sure the longer I lay here I could think of more and more.

I feel like I didn't really live pretty much the last month we were in school.
After Trenton passed away, I kinda just let everything go and threw it all in a corner; everything but what I needed day by day. Thank God I already had graduation invitations and all that bull honky out of the way!
I'm sure I have a whole full other blog about me coping with Trenton's death to come in the future, but for now this is it. It was the hardest three, three and a half weeks of my life.
Shit, it was the hardest week of my life when it actually happened.
Im absolutely, 100% positive that if my bestfriend, Hannah, were not with me at the funeral and through the whole ordeal, I would not have been able to make it.
So, back to regret. I regret not really enjoying myself and living the last month of my high school career, and I regret not getting to know Trenton better, sooner.

In general, I regret lots of things. Im not saying I regret EVERYTHING because there was a lot of good mixed in there, but there are some things that I surprisingly WILL miss. RISD pretty much pissed me off EVERYDAY for a good month before it ended too. and them not letting me speak about Corrine at graduation was totally ridiculous and I have had a lot of positive response to my letter to the editor. They are getting what they deserve now though. A LOT of really good teachers and coaches that did so much more than what their job description said have left the district and Im pretty proud about that.
welp, that its for now...gettin kinda late.
out for now :)

Corrine's Memorial Wreath at Commencement